The English Tourist in Brittany

A lot has been written about the English tourist and their unusual traits which come to the fore when they are on holiday. As someone who provides holiday accommodation in Brittany it never ceases to amaze me how we the ‘ Brits’ are transformed from normal logical human beings into strange aliens that have suddenly found themselves on a mysterious planet. Until the last few years France was a holiday destination of the hardened Francophile who came for the culture, history and of course the food and wine. More recently we have seen an increase in tourists who would normally have gone to one of the many package holiday destinations but due to the continual travel agency failures and airline price increases have decided to try the French experience.

 

Upon arrival in this strange land the first thing is unload all the English food we brought with us, after all we don,t want to risk upset stomachs trying all that strange French food. Evidently it is necessary to bring lots of toilet rolls to France; I presume the French toilet paper is below par? (In fact English toilet paper is excellent for blocking the septic tank)

 

“Can you tell me where the nearest takeaway is as we did not have time to get something on the way” Well actually the French are not really into takeaways so the only one we know is a McDonald’s some distance away. There is a really good Crêperie in the village why not try that. “But that’s just pancakes isn’t it?” No, they have a varied menu at most crêperies but I am afraid they do not do takeaway.

 

I saw them the following day, how did you get on at the crêperie, “Oh yes that was great, the lady cooked the meal for us and let us take the plates away with us, we are going to drop them back today.” OK, I thought, so perhaps we do have a takeaway in the village!

 

It is apparent that a lot of our guests live in towns in the UK as they clearly do not like wildlife and are very scared of the dark. When the sun sets the shutters come down and there are no signs of life until long after dawn. Our gîte is in a rural location so it is not surprising that we see a variety of wildlife and through experience know that at certain times, e.g. harvest time you must keep your doors closed when unattended or you will have unexpected visitors. Unfortunately we Brits tend to take advice like this with a pinch of salt.

 

So it is not unexpected when you are summoned at all hours to remove la souris (Mouse)   from the kitchen were he has apparently set up home. “Oh please don’t hurt him”. No don’t worry I will just ask him to leave!

Clearly there is a misconception that whilst visiting France it is necessary to consume as much wine as possible as I am reliably informed by our visitors that “the French drink it like water”. In response I bravely explain that the French water is actually some of the best in the world, but they are not convinced when they see the French buying huge quantities of bottled water. At the end of the season I take the huge quantity of empty bottles to the bottle bank, mostly at dusk so as to not give away the fact that we Brits actually buy the cheap wine at the supermarkets.

 

It is important for the Brits on holiday that they do not completely loose touch with reality, so one of the first questions I am asked is can we get “Corrie” on the television. Sighs of relief when I explain we can maintain this essential input, but they will have to remember it is an hour later in France.

 

During the holiday season it is normal to have to book a table at restaurants so we usually volunteer our services to overcome the language barrier. After debating at length the individual desires and speciality of known restaurants we eventually get to the timing of the meal. “Six or six thirty will be fine” well no actually the French don’t usually sit down to eat until eight to eight thirty. “Oh but that’s much too late!” well no not in France.

 

Without doubt, the most popular pastime of the Brits on holiday in Brittany is the beaches and they are the reason that many return year after year.   In fact I often think that with the quantity of sand I recover from the Gîte at the end of the season I could develop my own beach in the garden.

 

Despite all their idiosyncrasies, the Brits on holiday keep us amused and generally we find they look after the property well and keep us up to date on events in the homeland. Despite the recession I am pleased to say they keep on coming to Brittany and enjoy their holidays in the Côte d’Armor.